Top 100+ # Best Funny Quotes and Sayings in English

Funny Quotes

Funny Quotes: Funny Quotes are the best way to express your Humor with your Friends. You can use this Quotes with your friends. Without Fun, life is boring. In each and everyone’s life, there are few people who always make them laugh.

We always like to make fun of each other with the group of friends. We like to express humor many times. You can use this Quotes at the time of Chilling with your Friends, at a party or at any gathering with your friends. Here, we have hand-picked some of the best collection from all over the Internet so that you don’t need surf the Internet for the same. So are you looking for the best Funny Quotes, Funny Quotes in Hindi, Short funny quotes, funny quotes with pictures, funny inspirational life quotes and funny quotes on love!

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Best Funny Quotes and Sayings in English

Funny Quotes
Funny Quotes

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You should Bookmark this page, as we will constantly provide you best internet quotes from all over the Internet at one place. The page consists of all sorts of Funny WhatsApp Status, Funny Facebook Status, Funny Quotes, and Sayings. On this page, we have included all sorts of Quotes, SMS, Greetings, and Sayings that you would love to share with your friends to have some humor. In short, it is the Ultimate Collection of Short Funny Quotes.

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  • My friend thought that an onion was the only food that could make you cry, so I threw a watermelon at his face.
  • Laughing at your own texts before you send them because you’re so damn funny.
  • Confession is good for the soul but bad for your career.
  • Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
  • Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.
  • When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
  • Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
  • I believe in love at first sight, I experience it EVERY time I got to the mall.
  • You never know what you have until… you clean your room.
  • Money doesn’t buy happiness, but it pays my internet… which is almost the same thing?
  • The only reason your girlfriend likes your dick is that her mom told her to enjoy the little things in life.
  • Going to school with 10 pens and coming home with only one.
  • First I played hard to get, now he is playing hard to forget.
  • Dear chairs, I know you get more ass, but I get more head. Sincerely, Pillows.
  • I know I’m not perfect, I’m vintage, which means my flaws make me priceless!
  • If a book about failures doesn’t sell, is it a success?
  • Don’t be too optimistic. The light at the end of the tunnel may be another train.
  • Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza.
  • After getting drunk, bachelor of technology turns philosophy master of bricks.
  • If life gives you lemons, just add vodka.
  • Whatsapp users never die but they just go offline.
  • It only takes one person to make you a millionaire. It’s You!
  • High power come, with high voltage current!
  • The early bird might get the worm, but the 2nd mouse will surely get the cheese.
  • The reason I’m fat coz a thin body could not handle my personality.
  • While I was driving my Audi, the alarm woke me up.
  • God is really creative, I mean… just look at me ?
  • I always dream of being a millionaire like my friend! He’s dreaming too 😀
  • I’m trying to die but I can’t. I need to be Cinderella.
  • Always borrow money from a pessimist…
    He won’t expect it back.
  • Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
  • Don’t steal. That’s the government’s job.
  • If Monday had a face, I would punch it.
  • You have the perfect face for radio.
  • How can I miss something I never had?
  • If nobody hates you, then you are doing something boring.
  • Every problem comes with some solution… if it doesn’t have any solution, it’s a Girl!
  • Dear Lord, there is a bug in your software… it’s called #Sunday, please fix it!
  • My room is not messy; it is an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.
  • My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
  • Everything funnier when you’re supposed to be quiet.
  • I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.
  • I am currently experiencing life at the rate of 15 WTF’s every hour
  • If the relationship between man and women were shoes, I’d wear you out. But I wouldn’t wear you out in public.
  • A man is as young as the woman he feels.
  • You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.
  • Friction is a drag.
  • Please be patient even a toilet can handle only one ass hole at a time.
  • Even if you are a mass murderer, International rogue, and children Abductor, People Will Still bless you “continue to be who you are” on your birthday.
  • Most of the fruits I know now and did not know existed – Is only because of the shampoo.
  • Yesterday I saw someone pushing a bottle of Schweppes into his ass, I said, “What are you doing ?!” He replied: “Schweppes: Drink Different..”
  • While you’re looking for a Remote… You don’t trust anybody.
  • Love’s nothing for a tennis player.
  • The brain is the best worker when you can use it.
  • I’m not lazy, I’m on energy saving mode.
  • If at first, you don’t succeed… Keep flushing.
  • IF you’re open minded; your brains will fall out.
  • Congratulations!!My tallest finger wants to give you a standing ovation.
  • WoW! now I’m a graduate… Now thermometer is not the only thing that has degrees without brains.
  • I don’t make mistakes, I date them.
  • I’m fluent in three languages: English, Sarcasm, and Profanity.
  • Edward isn’t a vampire. He lives in a forest. He doesn’t eat people & he sparkles. HE IS OBVIOUSLY A FAIRY.
  • When life gives you lemons, add vodka, and throw a party.
  • “You look pretty today.” … Was I ugly yesterday?
  • I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.
  • I hate it when some people call me insane or crazy. I prefer the phrase mentally hilarious.
  • Of course, I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
  • I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop making me angry.
  • If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
  • I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
  • Don’t let life get in the way of your dreams… go back to sleep!
  • We all have that one friend who we greet with an insult.
  • Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
  • Maybe some bad actions have good consequences!
  • If at first, you don’t succeed. Skydiving is not for you!
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
  • The winner of the rat race is still a rat.
  • All my life a thought air was free… until I bought a bag of chips.
  • People said to follow your dreams so I went back to bed.
  • If I agreed with you we both were wrong.
  • When your phone are 1% battery and anyone who sends a message, or calling, becomes the enemy.
  • I wish my parents were like Google… they should understand me even before I complete.
  • I want my Girlfriend like Google, She will understand me better.
  • Sometimes all you need is love. Lol, just kidding, you need money.
  • I live in a world of fantasy, so keep your reality away from me!
  • Don’t kiss behind the garden, Love is blind but the neighbors are not.
  • Am gonna Make my status… better you to focus on your status only.
  • If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
  • With all this technology above and under, humanity still hunts down one another.
  • Looks like I over-estimated the number of your brain cells.
  • Behind every great man, there is a surprised woman.
  • Silence is Golden. Duct Tape is Silver!
  • They pretend to pay me. I pretend to work!
  • I saw a shampoo with the title: “Rich-looking” So I washed my purse!
  • I have an Impudent neighbor Knocking on my door at 2 AM He’s lucky I was in a drum lesson.

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So, enjoy this Wonderful Collection of Funny Quotes and please don’t forget to share it with your Friends.

About the Author: Ajay D

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